Saturday, October 12, 2013

When Your Heart Grows Legs

I recently (as in yesterday) applied for a part time babysitting job.  It seemed like it would be a perfect fit for Sully and me.  It was two days a week for a few hours in the afternoon.  It would be watching a little girl the same age as Sully.  She would nap for part of the time I would be there which would be great because it coincides with Sully's nap.

Honestly,  it seemed like a perfect fit.  Until I got the rejection notice.  "Thank you for your interest but I am not comfortable with that.  So sorry!"  Not comfortable with me bringing my little guy with me.  I've been rejected before.  Let me count the ways.  But this felt different.  This felt like a rejection of not just me but my son.  And it is breaking my heart.

I heard once that when you have a child it's like letting your heart walk around outside your body. That's how I feel.  My heart grew legs, sprouted blonde hair, grew 6 teeth and waddles around in the cutest little way imaginable.  My heart has a name.  He has a face.  And I can't think of anything I wouldn't do to protect him.  To fight for him.

The truth is that Jesus told us that in this world we would have trouble but to take heart because He has overcome the world.  The hope in this is that while I know that I will have trouble and Sully will, too,Jesus is bigger.  Hope is beautiful.  Hope provides a healing balm to my hurting heart right now.

And this woman, she doesn't know that she's missing out on her daughter having one amazing little friend in my guy.  She doesn't know that his smile lights up a room.  I'm sure her heart is to provide the best possible thing for her daughter.  And because she's a mom I'm pretty sure her heart sprouted two legs and is walking around outside her body, too.

Navigating motherhood isn't easy.  It's not easy on Saturday mornings when you are sitting at your computer crying because your heart hurts and you realize this is probably just a taste of what's to come throughout the years of loving your kid.  There isn't a neat little bow to tie on this post today.  My heart still hurts but I have hope.

"Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying." Romans 12:12

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heartI have overcome the world.” John 16:33