I'm not trying to be melodramatic (I don't really ever have to try to be melodramatic. It comes easily. It's a gift). But my life really did change. I went from living alone to living with Ryan. I went from having my own bank account to sharing one. One moment my last name was Adamski and the next it was Kader. One day I was a fiance and the next I was a wife. Life changed. And in my wildest dreams, as life happened, what it looks like today is not what I would have dreamed it looked like.
Well, I think I would have said on that beautiful May day five years into this marriage thing we probably would have a house and a baby. But although I may have uttered those words I certainly never stopped to really grasp what they would mean. It all seemed so far off. I have heard horror stories of people's first year of marriage. Ours was wonderful. Some of my favorite memories are from that first year.
And as I was awakened at 5 am this morning by a crying, crabby baby the thought that floated through my still sleepy mind was, "This isn't what I thought five years would look like." Because the truth is, even though a house and kids were totally in the picture for me at some point, they are, in essence, a lot less glamorous in real life than the dreams you dream on your wedding day.
Yes, I've been up since 5 am. Yes, I've had a fussy baby most of today. My house is a mess because my grand plans of picking up and cleaning and even mopping the floor today were met by a shortened nap time and a baby that chased me in his walker. Chased. Yes. Chased. I had to put on sneakers because he kept running over my toes. He kind of sang as he chased me around the first floor. It reminded me of a scene in The Walking Dead when the Governor is looking for Andrea and he is whistling. If you aren't familiar with that, then think of the Jaws theme. My 8 month old terrorized me today.
Totally not what I envisioned or dreamed of five years ago. But here's the truth that I kept reminding myself of today: Life was good before I had a baby. But life is also good now. And, Danielle, despite what you tend to tell yourself, your life was NOT that glamorous before a baby.
It's the grass is always greener mentality. If only I could sleep in once. If only I could leave my house without six bags on my shoulder and a baby carrier in the other. If only I could remember things again. If only I could... fill in the blank.
You may have a grass is greener situation, too. I've realized the problem with the grass theory is that I miss out on the very thing God has for me today, in my current season or situation. My eyes are fixated on something other than Him. When I take my eyes off the pasture I'm longing for and put them back on the Author and Perfector of my faith, Jesus, then I realize that I am incredibly grateful to build a life with a man that has stuck with me for better and worse. There have been better times and there have been worse times. And Ryan has walked with me through both. I realize that this little
So, today I want to wish Ryan a very Happy Anniversary. Ryan, you help make Jesus even more real to me by the way you love and sacrifice for our family. And I want to encourage you, sweet reader, to stop thinking the grass is greener. It may very well be. But you're not there. You're here. And by longing for over there I guarantee you're missing something this side of the pasture.