Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Day 12

Today was the kind of day where I drove around my neighborhood for 35 minutes just to ensure that Sully got a decent nap.  He fell asleep on my way home from Wegmans (side note really quick:  I heart Wegmans. I really do.  But lately I have been noticing that the workers aren't exceptionally friendly, it's just that there's a plethora of them.  It's a bit disheartening to me.  But I like them so much it's not enough to make me switch). And back on topic, go!  It's not a long enough ride home from the store that when I take him out of the car he will stay asleep.  So, I drove around as only a parent would do, listening to praise music and thinking about this coming year.

I also thought about what to write.  And here's what I decided: I have a double chin.  It's not really that bad. In fact, in real life I don't know if it would ever be the first thing anyone noticed, unless they had a double chin fetish.  But it shows up in pictures.  And it calls out to me when I look in the mirror.  It taunts me in a middle school girl kind of way.  It makes me do irrational things like have my father in law take 300 pictures on Christmas at different angles just to ensure that ms. chin is hidden.  Seriously.  And Dad, if you're reading this, thank you for your patience!  I bet you didn't have to do that raising three boys!

The funny thing is that even a few years ago when I lost a bunch of weight, it still showed up every time I looked in the mirror.  Today I realized that my chin is much more than a chin.  It's a symbol and a lie.  It's a symbol of how I feel about myself most days.  It's a reminder that I'm not happy with me.  It's the lie that says I'll never be good enough, thin enough, etc.  It's the lie that says I'm not enough.

You might have something like this, too.  Maybe it's your chin, hips, lips, chest, ears, nose, butt or smile.  It can be so easy to look at someone else and think how lucky they are because they are just so beautiful.  But if they are really honest, they probably have something they don't like.  And it's really easy if they tell you what they don't like to tell them they're crazy and ridiculous.  It's not that easy to say to ourselves.  To look in the mirror beyond our chins, thighs, hips or crazy hair.  To look in the mirror and see what God sees- His beautiful creation, wholly and dearly loved.

So, today, when I am done typing this, I am going to go my half bathroom and look in the mirror.  I am going to look myself straight in the eye and repeat Psalm 139:13-14.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

You, dear reader, are fearfully and wonderfully made, as well.  Not just your heart but your body, too.  And as my grandmother says, "God doesn't make junk."  So, if you need to take a minute tonight and look in the mirror beyond the imperfections, and repeat God's heart to you in Psalm 139, do it, and watch a mask fall to the floor.