It's Christmas Eve! I heart Christmas Eve!
This really doesn't have much to do with Christmas Eve, but I wanted to share it anyways. Last night Ryan and I had a really great conversation. One of those conversations that isn't the least bit transactional (ie: you get the baby, I'll make dinner, you let the dog out, etc...) but totally real and deep. And I was sharing some of the things that I have been learning and some areas that God is stretching me in.
One of them being this whole taking off the masks and realizing just how hindering my insecurity has been. It's affected my friendships, jobs I've had and my marriage. But I'm experiencing some new found freedom to be me and I am loving it. This blogging journey has been part of God working on me.
I used to be too scared to write. My insecurity and fear held me back. But thankfully, God is not letting me stay there in that place. My friend Emilie, she's 11, is sometimes held back by fear. It's totally not logical when you know her, and I've known her most of her life, because she's beautiful and sweet and funny. Like, really funny. Not just funny for an 11 year old.
I see a lot of me in her in that I am held back by fear. But Emilie's mom tells her, "Don't leave life on the table." Emilie told me that one day- that her mom tells her that. She said it with a sigh, in a total 11 going on 16 kind of way. And do you know what? I needed to hear it. I am guilty of leaving life on the table. Of not taking risks. Of letting fear win.
Do you know who didn't leave life on the table? Peter. Peter was one of Jesus' closest disciples. He was in the BFF category not just the friends at school category. Remember when Jesus came walking up to the boat that the disciples were in on the water. It was Peter that stepped out of the boat. Yep, fear did get to him and he started to sink. But none of the other disciples even had the nerve to step out of that boat. And after Jesus died and rose again Peter started to really not leave life on the table. He lived so fully for Christ that when he was sentenced to death for being a Christ follower he refused to be crucified like Jesus did. He believed himself to be unworthy so he was crucified upside down.
I don't know if you let fear hold you back at all. If you do, trust me, I get it. But I would encourage you today to take a risk. To not hold back in loving God and loving others. To give fully of yourself and to be fully present wherever you are. And dear one, today, don't leave life on the table. No one benefits from that.
** I just wanted to add a quick note about the firefighters that were shot today as they arrived on the scene of a house and car fire in my hometown of Webster, NY. Two lost their lives today and two are in the hospital. I am praying for them and for their families. But I wanted to reiterate that in today's society it is so very easy to let fear win. Whether it's insecurity type of fear or evil in this world type of fear. Don't let fear win. Keep loving to the fullest and let's overcome evil with good.**