I've been wanting to sit down and write this for months but each time I try to it seems that it's just too much to say. Too many words. Too many thoughts. Too many free nuggets of wisdom that I want you to know and believe. And so instead I sit still and I think them, hoping that somehow the thoughts in my head and the desires of my heart will seep deep into your soul while your little heart beats inside me.
It's a funny thing- this pregnancy. This time that you are living inside of me, mooching off of me. It tenders my heart to think how much you need me and how, already, I get to take care of you. It's a funny thing how already I love you so much. I hope that I have many, many years to tell you that I love you and to show you just how much that is true. But I know firsthand that life is fragile and that the Good Lord never promises us a tomorrow here on earth. So, I'll put
1) You, my sweet boy, are loved. First and foremost by God. He's knitting you together with His powerful, Mighty, Tender hands and He is crazy about you! And then you are loved by your father and myself. I wish you could see the little glimmer in his eyes when he talks about you or when he puts his hand on my growing belly. When he calls you by name and talks to you there is a sweetness in his voice. It makes my heart smile.
I think about you all the time and pray for you. I continually ask God what His desires and dreams are for your life and that He would prepare us for you. I love you. To pieces.
And you have grandparents that are THRILLED that you are on your way! I think they've been waiting to be grandparents ever since your father and I got married. They are amazing parents and I have no doubt that they will love you like crazy and spoil you to no avail. It's their job and I believe they are taking it very seriously.
2) My number one desire for your life is not that you be happy. Happiness is overrated. It comes and goes. It's fleeting and can fail you. My number one desire for your life is that you know and believe God- He is so very worth it. He's the God of the universe, who calls you by name. I want you to be crazy, head-over-heels, radically in love with the One that knows your heart and can redeem your soul. My prayer is that Jesus gets a hold of you and never lets go. Baby, run hard after Him. Nothing else will ever satisfy the cravings of your soul like the Lord can. You may search elsewhere. But the truth is, nothing else compares. Never has. Never will.
3) I hope that you grow into the kind of boy that is strong and sensitive. Thoughtful and fun. The kind that respects others and looks people straight in the eye. I hope that you are mindful that words can cut deep and even throughout the toughest years, the most awkward years, I hope that you are kind. Kind to yourself. Kind to your parents and family. Kind to girls. Kind to animals (especially the dog- we love the dog).
4) You, Baby, are a miracle. You are a reminder to me that God brings us full circle. The works He starts in our lives He continues. He doesn't forget. He doesn't abandon. He completes. He finishes. And His work is good. Our lives will most likely be very different when compared next to each other. And someday when you are older, if you take the time to listen, I will share with you the redeeming work God has done in my life. And in my story you will hear just how you, my little love, fit into it. How you are more than a life. You are a testimony that God can take the most broken heart and make it whole and then bring it to a place where not only can it survive, but it can grow, and thrive and love to the fullest. Oh, His grace amazes me. I will never leave you. I will never walk away from you. When you hurt I will hurt. When you need discipline, I will discipline and I will not tear you down.
I love you, my sweet child.
p.s. I hope you love the dog as much as I do! He really is just the sweetest! It's ok if you don't like the cat. I understand.