Tuesday, March 2, 2010

God is HUUUUUUGGGGGGEEEE

For anyone who lives in the Western New York area you probably know the phrase commonly used by Billy Fuccilo. Here in Buffalo the tag line is, "It's HUGE, Buffalo, HHHHUUUUGGGGEEE." And for anyone who lives in the Western New York area you may agree with me that it gets old, really fast. I roll my eyes every time that commercial comes on.

This morning I was thinking about some of the things that God has been doing in my life- the ways He has been revealing himself and speaking to my heart and that was the phrase that just ran through my head. God is huge. He is huge.

A few weeks ago on a Wednesday there was an article in the paper about a local artist that built a giant table with matching giant chairs. They were on display at the Albright Knox gallery and when people would walk into the room they instantly felt small. It would be like entering the set of Honey I Shrunk the Kids. I had happened to catch a glimpse of a picture of it in the paper and had a short conversation with a guy I work with about the display. Later that night when I was home and spending some time reading my Bible and praying the Lord reminded me of that art display. I felt as if He was saying to me that being in his presence was much like standing in the midst of that giant table and chairs. And that feeling small was a good thing because it meant that He is Huge. God is bigger. Period. That beautiful picture of my smallness and God's HUGENESS came at a point when I had been praying about direction and guidance regarding a potential ministry opportunity. I had been feeling some anxiety and in my heart I knew that I need not worry- God is bigger. In my journal I scratched a picture of a big table and under it I listed things in my life. I drew a picture of Ryan and me. I put Cole (our dog/the furry love of my life). I wrote the name of the place I work and the name of the potential ministry I could work for. And I drifted off to sleep that night with a peace that blanketed my soul and a heart that was crying out, "God, you are good!"

The next day I got a call at work from my husband. His warehouse would be closing and the five people working there would be laid off. Come sometime in March he would not have a job. There were no details. No last day given. No there will be other job opportunities. Nothing. I sat still at my desk as the room seemed to start whirling around me. This is not uncommon. I've read the news articles, the statistics about unemployment and heard awful stories about people being laid off. But that was something that happened to other people. I walked through the day somewhat numb interspersed with bouts of tears. After work I went to the gym to try and relieve the stress and take my mind of the unknown. When I got home and got in the hot shower, yet another attempt to relieve stress and relax, I stood there for so long I forgot if I had actually shampooed my hair or not. In a whispered voice I managed to simply say, "Lord..." The tears started again as the thoughts of bills, car payments, rent, and lack of health insurance flooded my mind.

But then, as I stood in the shower, completely vulnerable in every way, God whispered back, "I am bigger. Remember the table and chairs." I immediately broke down in tears knowing that God is bigger. I wept because in my vulnerability God's goodness covered me. His love comforted me and the peace of knowing that He is bigger reigned. I wept because just the night before this storm God spoke to me a word that, while I would grasp a small part of it, would not be able to fully grasp all that He meant it to be until I sat in the midst of the storm with the fullness of the winds and the waves crashing. Only God can do that. God is Huge. HHHHUUUUGGGGGEEEE.

Here is the beautiful part of it- unlike Billy Fuccilo and his tagline, the truth that God is huge never, ever gets old. It's always fresh, always new, always true. God is HUGE. And He doesn't use his hugeness to get his people to buy things or do things or win them over from any competition. He is huge. He will always be huge. It's just who He is. And because he is love, and because he is good, we can rest in our smallness and put our trust in a God who fully covers us- every part of our lives.

So, today, a month after all of that began, we know details. We know that his last day is March 25th and that there is a 98% chance he will be rehired with the company at a different warehouse. And we can choose to rest in knowing those things. But they are not forever, nor are they worthy of our trust. It's nice to know. I like to know. But my faith, my trust and my life will rest in the Lord. Because he's the only one who can speak to my heart today what I will need to cling to tomorrow.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
"Finally brothers, stand firm in the Lord and in his mighty power. " Ephesians 6:10